


trust and truth

by artsyleo



Series: comfortember 2020 [9]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Emotional Hurt, Episode Related, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:40:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27479698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: comfortember prompt day 9 - confessionsa continuation of yesterday's (day 8) prompt! and yes, the confession is probably exactly what you're thinking.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: comfortember 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995826
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	trust and truth

**Author's Note:**

> tw for slight mention of drunkenness and vomit

It’s all too familiar when Ben wakes up and Callum’s not there. He’s been doing that a lot recently, Ben’s noticed- sneaking away in the middle of the night, leaving the sheets cold next to Ben. He hates it, but he’s clueless to stop it because whenever he tries to confront Callum about it he’ll just shrug him off, tell him that he was just getting a drink, or was too hot, or just couldn’t sleep. Simple excuses to hide whatever’s hiding just under his skin, making a home there. He’s started sometimes just staying in bed, awake, until Callum comes back in case it’s space that he needs, but not tonight. Not after what happened last night, not after what Ben’s done. He sighs, runs a hand over his face, and forces himself out of the sheets, because they’ve lost most of their warmth now anyway, without Callum’s body. He connects the processor to the point just above his ear, slips his glasses onto his face, and grabs a t-shirt out of the drawer. 

When Ben slips it over his head, it’s too big for him, just slightly, and it doesn’t smell like him either. It must be one of Callum’s, he thinks- the fabric is softer than most of his as well, because he knows that that’s something that Callum cares about. His clothes are always the softest, and maybe that’s had some influence on Ben as well because everything that he buys recently feels softer, more like Callum’s. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere, but he’s too tired to think like that. 

It does make him smile though, the thought of Callum’s clothes mixed in with his, the effortless mixing of their lives over the past few weeks. It’s something, a hope that Ben hangs on to, as he opens the door to their bedroom. 

There’s a little scrap of light leaking through the darkness when Ben stumbles down the stairs, trailing through from the kitchen. He can’t hear anything, but that might well be his implant rather than an actual lack of noise.

When Ben reaches the bottom of the stairs, he finds the door to the kitchen open halfway, showing just Callum’s socked feet under the table, crossed at the ankles. Callum doesn’t move when he pushes the door open, staring into a glass of water resting on the table in front of him. He slips into the chair just opposite, and Callum finally looks up to him. 

“Hey,” Ben says quietly. “What are you doing down here?” 

“Just, uh, couldn’t sleep,” Callum replies, a weak smile on his face. “Threw up again and my head’s pounding.” 

“Did you take the painkillers? I left some on your nightstand,” he says, and Callum nods a little, looking back down to shift the glass around in circles on the table. “Thought you’d be knocked out till the afternoon, way you were. I’ve never seen you like that.” 

Callum must catch the worry in his voice, and he closes his eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Ben replies, reaching a hesitant hand across the table, as if he’s not really sure if he can, if he deserves to hold his hand, because  _ this is all his fault _ . “You don’t need to apologise.” 

Callum’s hand connects with his across the table, gentle fingers stroking over Ben’s knuckles even if he’s not the one that should be doing the comforting. 

“You feel any better now?” Ben asks carefully. 

“What, about the argument or getting blind drunk?” Callum says, and Ben hates how there’s guilt in his voice. 

“I meant physically,” Ben replies, squeezing where their hands are connected. “Fuck, Callum, I’m so sorry about the argument. I was being paranoid, and stupid, and this is all my fault-”

“You weren’t entirely paranoid,” Callum blurts out, and Ben’s stomach drops.

“What?”

“Not- not like that, Ben, I wasn’t lying, I’d never cheat on you,” Callum says, holding onto Ben’s hand like it’s a lifeline, and Ben can’t bear to let go either. “But- uh, there is something going on.”

“Cal, are you being serious? I don’t- I don’t want to have this conversation right now if you’re still angry, or-” 

“No, Ben, just listen please, I need to tell you before I lose my fucking nerve again,” he says, shifting the hand that’s free to run over his face, and Ben’s hopeless to ignore the panic in his eyes. But he’s quiet, instead just holds Callum’s hand and tries not to let the worry show on his face. 

“I just- I fucked things up, and I was scared to tell you because I thought you’d hate me.” 

“Cal, I don’t think I could ever hate you,” Ben says, and it’s painfully honest, but he can’t hold himself back right now, not when panic is still clawing at the back of his throat. 

“You don’t- you can’t say that Ben.” 

“Cal, please-” 

“My boss is making me go after Phil,” Callum says, slipping his hand away from Ben’s and running it over his eyes. “He’s- he knows you were involved in the warehouse job, and he knows I attacked Danny, and he threatened me, and I  _ couldn’t say no,  _ Ben, I couldn’t.”

“Wait,” Ben replies, heart racing. “You attacked  _ Danny? _ ”

Callum looks up at him finally, like it’s the last thing he’d expected Ben to say. “He- he threatened you. It was his blood I had on my cuff at the wedding.” 

“Fuck.” 

“Ben, please, don’t hate me, I  _ hate  _ that I did it,” Callum says, and there’s tears in his eyes, pleading in his voice. “Please,  _ please _ -”

Callum’s begging now, downright pleading with Ben and he hates it, more than anything. 

“Hey, hey listen to me,” Ben says, because even though he’s burning with confusion, and frustration, and he still doesn’t really understand,  _ Callum  _ is more important here. “Just breathe. I don’t hate you, I promise.” 

“You should, though,  _ fuck,  _ you should-”

“No, Callum, no. Look, let’s not worry about this right now, yeah?” Ben says, and he takes both of Callum’s hands in his own, squeezing them to make sure that he’s got his attention. “You’re in no fit state.” 

Callum takes a deep breath, nodding slightly and lowering his head. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Hey, none of that. Just concentrate on me, yeah?” 

Callum nods, and closes his eyes. Their hands are still entwined within each other, and that’s the way they’ll stay. It hadn’t been a lie when Ben had said he could never hate Callum.  _ Fuck _ , he’s tried to convince himself he could live without him before, and he knows it’s impossible. 

He’ll just have to wait till the morning, and they can talk this through again, when allum can get his head together. For now, though, Ben just has to believe that they’ll be okay, because that’s the one thing that he knows for sure. 

**Author's Note:**

> okay so im not a huge fan of this one because ive been really struggling to concentrate all day so i ended up just trying to get something out, but i hope you enjoyed it!   
> if ya did, comments/kudos mean the world to me, and stay safe!  
> leo x (come scream at me on tumblr at artsy-highway)


End file.
